Day 21 "Somewhat Hypersexual Today"

Last night I again couldn’t fall asleep and watched the clock half the night despite taking Klonopin before going to bed.  When I did finally fall asleep I slept for close to ten hours and I didn’t want to get up but I did and felt ok.  I took all my pills as scheduled today, drank a lot of water, and did not binge or purge.   My energy level today has been normal all day for the first time in a long time.  My appetite as usual has been big.  I want to eat everything and need to remind myself that I did manage to lose 30 pounds…well now its 20 because I gained back 10 since I’ve been on medications.  I would say half is due to the meds and the other half is me.  I wasn’t as hypersexual today as I was yesterday but still thought about sex a lot today and did look at some porn. 

However, I still get really angry and have a complete hatred for everybody.  I’m completely bothered by what others do and it just stresses me out to know end.   I drove my Mom to eat today and on a little ride and I was irritable about everything around me.   I usually have some sort of outburst that everyone thinks is funny and it almost make me cry because they just don’t understand that I can’t help it.  I just want it to stop.  I’m still having anxiety when I’m in the car and have fears about crazy stuff happening.  The Klonopin has helped with some of my anxiety but I have a bunch more it hasn’t touched yet.  It really doesn’t do a whole lot for my sleep either.  I would like to see if we could up both the doses a little and maybe put it to three times a day for the anxiety and then maybe she could add something for sleep that.  I see her in a week and we’ll see what she says. Other than a little dizziness and being unsteady on my feet the Lithium seems to be doing ok and I don’t hate it and am not crying like I was the first few weeks.