Day 47 "Another Day Of Depression Is With Me"

Today was better towards the end of the day. I had decreased appetite. Nothing major to report. I felt like I did sleep the day away today. I did manage to get up and take pills when I needed to but other than that I enjoyed being in my bed. My sister and brother in law are coming over tomorrow to do yard work and I’m a little pissed off about it. I know I haven’t been able to keep up with things but instead of asking or consulting me about any of it my Mom and sister come up with a plan. My brother in law can’t stand me and I just have this problem with him coming into my yard and messing around with anything. I don’t know why I feel like this but I do. 

I have nothing and this is the only territory I can claim as part mine and I feel like he’s invading my space. When my Dad was still living this would have never happened. He may not have liked what I did or didn’t do but he would have never let my brother in law step in EVER. My Mom doesn’t understand and I don’t understand how to convey to her how I feel. I’m just so over everything and told my Mom that I can’t wait till I can get some money together and get my own place where I can make the rules. 

I feel like my life is a complete failure in general. I can’t work a regular job and have to take pills which make me feel lifeless and now an activity that I’m trying to do because I once enjoyed it is getting to the hands of my brother in law. I don’t know why but tonight has been a not so good night. I feel agitated, angry, depressed, very slow, and crying a lot. Please God, help me to over come this.