Day 20 "Angry Today"

Last night I had another night where I couldn’t sleep and was up and down during the night.  I haven’t had any suicidal thoughts today.  I did not binge or purge today.  My energy when I got up was low and leveled out during the day but I tried working  in the yard at my cousins and I just couldn’t.  I had to quit and sit down.  I even tried waiting til the sun was down but it made me feel like crap. 

I ate with my Lithium tonight but felt a little sick to my stomach and all I wanted to do was sleep.  I slept in the chair and ended up with a sore back and neck.  When I went to get up my balance was off a little too.  I’ve noticed on several occasions that my balance has been off since I started taking Lithium. 

I was particularly angry today.  I mean I always say that I hate all people, and that they all need to "die in a fire" but here are just some people that I see and I will say the most nasty things about.   These outbursts come from nowhere sometimes.  I can be in a great mood and it can be a person's expression, something on television, a noise, or just about anything.  As I’m getting older it’s getting worse and the more upset it makes me.  My heart races and I get racing thoughts right now of hateful thoughts.  The part that makes me so upset is that my family laughs and thinks it's the funniest thing when I have these outbursts.