Day 69 "Today Was Horrible For My Family"

This blog is about me and my day to day  struggles with bipolar disorder.  Today my mood went from being almost stable down to being really depressed back up to almost stable again in a matter of hours.  This happened because I got a call from my cousin today that my little sister, her immediate family, and my Mom were broad sided on the passenger side by a woman who ran a red light at a dangerous intersection.  Nobody saw it coming and my sister's vehicle flipped two or three times after impact.  Everyone was taken to the Emergency Room by ambulance and my Mom and sister both had the most damage.  My sister has broken ribs and my Mom has a fractured pelvis and is very sore.  The doctor said it will be around six to eight weeks before either one of them will be back to normal. 

I did a really good job of holding myself together but am now sitting here balling.  There had to be a guardian angel in that vehicle with them today looking out for them.  Just four months ago a young man was killed at the same intersection because of someone running a red light.  I'm just glad that everyone is ok.  My family could have all suffered the same fate.  I just know that something or someone was looking out for them today and all I can say is Thank you!

My father passed away over three years ago and since he's been gone I worry horribly about my Mom.  I feel this sense of responsibility and the scene that happened today has played out countless times in my head.  The only difference is that in my head everyone dies.  I have told this to a few people and they've all told me that I need to stop trying to carry the burden for everyone else and live my own life.  This makes it even tuffer because I keep saying to myself "what if I would have beeen driving her", "what if she would have just stayed home."  All these scenarios keep going through my head but I just need to let them go and realize that GOD has a plan for each and every one of us.

Well, I'm going to sign off here and try to sleep a little.  I didn't take my Seroquel  till just about an hour ago and I hope I can fall asleep.  I'm going to have to be awake tomorrow to help my Mom when she needs it.  The poor thing is so bruised up and has a hard time getting comfortable.  They did give her some pain medication that knocked her out.  I'm thankful for that!

Day 68 "Had A Tooth Extraction And Denied SSDI Today"

Today my mood has been pretty normal all day.  I had a tooth extraction and was a little moody in the afternoon but I was in pain which I think anyone would have been.  I ate a soft diet and and had a lot of fluids and kept the extracted tooth area packed with gauze all day.  Other than that I slept all day and kept off my feet.  They gave me some mild pain medication for this but I haven't had to take it.  It just feels so good to have this tooth out that's been infected more times than I can count.  Here are the instructions I got when I was discharged to go home.



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Today, I also received notification from the Social Security Administration that both my applications for SSDI and SSI had been denied.  I looked back through my notes and it only took them 43 days from the time of application to denial.  I thought they would have required me to get a medical evaluation by one of their doctor's.  I call the lady that prescribes me my medications my psychiatrist but in reality she is a nurse practitioner.  My therapist/counselor told me she couldn't fill out the Social Security paperwork for me until I had seen her six times and three times for the nurse practitioner.  Well this next time I see my therapist/counselor it will be time number 5.  Furthermore, my nurse practitioner doesn't really want anything to do with or care why I am the way I am, she just wants to administer and monitor the medication.  I hear that you can get a copy of your records on CD and I'm going to look in to that.  I'm very curious as to what's in my file.  Here's a copy of part of the denial letter I received today.




Click to enlarge.