Day 84 "Tried My Hand At Fixing The Car Today and Failed"

My car, a 2001 Mercury Grand Marquis GS, broke down almost three months ago.  I had noticed the evening before it stopped running that my lights were unusually dim but other than that it was running OK.  The following morning the car started like normal, no problems.  I drove it to my cousins house and messed around there for an hour or so.  When I went to leave it wouldn't crank at all.  It just made this rapid clicking noise.  I had watched my Dad work on cars enough to know that noise usually meant a bad alternator, problem with the battery, or problem with the voltage regulator.

So I watched a bunch of videos on taking out and putting back in an alternator.  If the alternator was the problem a new one for my car is almost $200 so I had to do the work myself because I can't afford the labor a shop would charge.  I also didn't want to purchase an alternator if it really was the battery that was bad so I carefully removed both the battery and alternator from the car.  I was so excited because this is the first time I had ever done this and everything went smoothly.

In order to find out whether the battery or alternator was bad I had to take them to an auto parts store. There they were able to test each part and tell me which part I needed.  Well, the sales associate first tested the alternator and it failed meaning that I had to buy a new one.  He then tested the battery and it was completely dead.  So I bought a new alternator which cost almost $200 and left them the battery to charge which was free.  When I got back to my cousins I installed the alternator exactly like I took it off.  I was excited again because I had now installed a new alternator by myself and did it right.  

It only took an hour for them to charge my battery so I went back to the auto parts store and the sales associate put my battery on the meter and he said it was fully charged.  It was getting close to dark so I figured I would get back to my cousins and have just enough time to install the battery in the car and be able to start it.  Well I hooked everything up, checked my self twice, and after the battery was installed I tried to start the car.  The lights in the car were still a little dimmer than normal and it made a fast clicking noise when I tried turning it over plus the dash lights were blinking along with the clicking.

I don't know what to think or do at this point.  I just want to cry because nothing ever seems to go my way.  I've changed the way I live my life and seem to be going in the right direction.  However, I still seem to come out on the short end of the stick.  As a result, my mood has went from being stable all day to feeling both depressed and hypomanic.

I call what I'm experiencing right now a mixed episode because I'm both manic and depressed.  I feel like a big piece of crap, worthless, and have been crying a lot.  At the same time I'm very hypersexual and feel like I need to do something to let some steam off and give me immediate gratification.  I would like to hook up for some no strings attached sex or I could just take all this anger inside of me and let somebody  have it.  Both would feel good for about five minutes and then I'd be back to just being depressed.  It's late out but I think I need to take a walk through the neighborhood until these mixed feelings are gone.