Day 85 "Tomorrow My Bipolar Will Be Tested"

Today was an OK day for the most part.  I went to bed at a descent time last night and slept for twelve hours.  Taking Seroquel seems to keep me in bed a lot.  I feel like I've missed most of the summer because of it which is a little depressing.  I'm going to talk to my nurse practitioner and nurse and see if there is something else I can take in place of the Seroquel.  I really like it but I can't stay awake on it.

Tomorrow will be the real test of how I do with Seroquel because it's the first day of school and I'm going to have to be the one to pick up my nephew and get him home everyday because my sister can't drive and doesn't have a new car yet since the car accident.  I've always helped out with picking him up but it only has ever been two or three days a week.  Now it will be five days plus my Mom and sister both have doctors appointments that I will be taking them to.  In addition to that I have my own appointments that I need to go to.

I'm so sorry there was a car accident and am very grateful that everyone came out of it alive.  However, anytime there is any little crisis everyone looks to me.  All I've been hearing is how bruised and banged up they all are.  I've been told several times that I don't know what pain is.  I was also told this evening by my Mother that it only takes about three months to get stabilized on medications for bipolar and that I should get a job because there's other bipolar people doing it.  It makes me so angry and hateful when people, especially my family, can't understand that the last three months have been horrible for me.  I'm not stable yet with my medications and truthfully I think it's going to be a while before I am.  When people start dictating to me what I have to do I may as well not be on any medications because I snap and am angry all the time.  I need to be on a schedule or my moods are all over the place.  I'm still trying to figure it all out and don't need the added stress.

I try to keep a schedule that I made for myself because that's how I stay consistent with my medications and appointments.  Tomorrow that will all change when I start picking up my nephew.  It takes up about two hours of my day.  The part of it that really bugs me is that nobody ever asked me to do any of this it's just implied that since I'm not working that I'm available.  I have also tried to tell everyone that it's sometimes hard for me to drive because of taking Seroquel.  It's like talking to a brick wall.  So basically I have no choice and just have to deal with it.  This is part of the reason I'm going to ask to be taken off the Seroquel.  When I'm not on it I can get up easily, my vision is clear, and I have mixed episodes.