Day 74 "Stable Day, Back On Diet"

Today has been an over all pretty good day.  I wasn't happy nor was I very sad.  I have followed my diet for three days in a row and that has made me feel a little bit better about myself.  I had started losing weight in February and up to being diagnosed bipolar 1 in May I had lost 33 pounds.  I have always been heavy and losing this weight was and is a big deal for me.

After I was diagnosed as bipolar 1 and started taking medications my weight began to fluctuate which caused me a lot of concern.  I was so upset that I might gain all the weight back that I almost didn't go through with my treatment.  I've always wanted to be skinnier and I was finally on my way there and then bipolar happened.  Well, if I don't follow a treatment plan my life is over.  I definitely won't be able to hold a job and I'll never be able to get approved for SSDI.  So the only choice for me is to learn how to deal with it.

My diet isn't perfect but it's better than no diet at all.  I don't drink any kind of soft drinks and drink about a gallon of water a day.  This is good for weight loss plus it helps keep my body from becoming dehydrated which could cause Lithium toxicity.  I'm not a big fan of vegetables so I drink a can of low sodium V8 juice every day which counts for two servings of vegetables.  I also have tried  both low sodium corn and kidney beans from a can and like them as well.  I also eat a lot chicken, turkey, and tuna fish.  Once in a while I'll buy red meat but I make sure it's very lean. 

I may never be skinny and I may never be cured of my bipolar but I'm going to do whatever I can to control both.  If I don't control them I'm setting myself up for failure.

Day 72 "Trying To Regain Some Normalcy"

If you've been following along you know that the last few days have been pretty horrible for my family as well as myself.  I've done a good job of being there for everyone but when I'm alone I've binged, purged, had thoughts of death, all at the same time which is a mixed state.  Yesterday I started on a higher dose of Seroquel which is supposed to help me sleep better, relax, and mostly work to reduce reduce my depression.  Well, today has been a little better for me.  I'm still depressed about myself and everything that happened this weekend but I seem to be in more control today which makes me feel more content.

I'm having to pick up a lot of the slack at home since my Mom is no position to do anything besides sit in a chair which is challenging but I'm managing.  I've had to make myself a daily schedule so that I don't forget to do something or do the wrong thing.  Tonight I had to do the grocery shopping and if I wouldn't have made a list it would have taken me six hours and I would have bought all the wrong things.  However, it went pretty smooth and I remained in a pretty good mood.  Tomorrow I have to get softener salt for my Mom's water softener and I have to take her to see her doctor in the afternoon.  As long as I keep myself  a schedule I think everything will work out fine. 

Tomorrow, I'm going to try and work in the yard after we get back from Mom's doctor appointment.  I need to mow and there are a ton of weeds that need to be pulled.  I think the yard work will do me good and help me to get my mind back on a positive track.  I also will be eating better following my diet on SparkPeople.  I didn't buy any junk food at the grocery store tonight and have no money to go and buy any so diet it is.  Once I get my diet back on track I 'm going to start getting in the habit of exercising.  I like to bike but I've thought about walking and maybe even running.  Hmmm, maybe a combination of the three would help me stick to exercising better.   I just know that I would prefer not to be on blood pressure medication and diet and exercise is the way to accomplish that.