Day 62 "If I Had The Choice, Would I Choose Not To Be Bipolar?"

Bipolar is something I wish I would have never had because of all the negative things it has brought to my life.  I think I would have fared better in terms of relationships and employment.  I think a lot about those two statements a lot and in the beginning when I was first diagnosed as bipolar that's exactly how I felt all the time.  As time has moved forward and I'm beginning to understand more about what bipolar is and what it does I'm changing my outlook on the this subject

I feel like being bipolar is helping me to gain a better sense of my inner self that I'm starting to appreciate more than having lots of money or the best job.  I've always said "everything happens for a reason" and believe my bipolar has given me better instinct and incite which is helping to define the person I'm becoming.  So even though I don't like having bipolar I do appreciate the lessons I'm learning by going through it.

One of the big thing I've learned from having this disorder is that a lot of people just can't deal with it and ignore you, stop talking to you, or just act  if you don't exist.  These people can't understand that someone who has untreated bipolar will have both highs and lows that make them act in such a manner that can be disturbing.  I've come to the conclusion that I can't change these people and the only way for me to move on is to let these people go from my life and move on.  It's not healthy to hold on to a one sided relationship or friendship.

Today was a really tiring day after being up the day before for over twenty hours.  My mood has been overall pretty stable all day which is a good thing.  When I finally got to take my Seroquel last night and was able to finally hit the pillow I was out like a light and all I did today was sleep.  It's funny how going one day without a pill can knock you for a loop. It's also interesting to me how one person will say that not taking a certain medication will cause no side effects and another will say the opposite.  All I can say to that is that we're all different and that what works for someone else may not work for you.