“Thanksgiving 2018”

What I'm Thankful for This Thanksgiving 2008

This is what I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving! 

• I have been out of work for two years after being fired for breaking company policy in December 2006. 

• I was arrested for DUI and drug possession/paraphernalia this past summer. I rarely if ever drink and the drugs found in my car were not mine. 

• I am on probation for the next year and must find a job as a condition of my probation or face up to six months in jail. 

• I have an eating disorder (Bulimia) which I have been struggling with for over eleven years. 

• I started seeing a therapist and psychiatrist and was diagnosed with Bipolar in October of this year. 

I have been seeing my therapist and learning coping strategies so that I can control my bipolar and not become a victim to it. I have went through two alcohol/drug assessments and have seen my probation officer every month as well as trying to find a job. Alcohol & marijuana for me is something that I’ve only ever done when in a manic phase which I come to find out is part of being bipolar. I have been turned down for so many jobs and looked over because of all this crap I have going on in my life. Today I prescreened for a job with GE Capitol online and answered everything the way I should have and was honest and I think because I answered yes to being terminated from a job within the last six years I was disqualified. If it isn’t one thing it’s always another. 

I am a good guy, work very hard, passionate about what I believe in, and doing everything I can to try and get my life on track. I wish someone could just believe in me and give me a second chance. 

Fast forward ten years

That was a posting from Craigslist in 2008 back when I was constantly posting ads for sexual encounters.  I was feeling a lot of self pity and wanted to suck somebody into my world.  I’d like to think I just wanted someone to talk to but 

I’m still not totally sure.  I do know I was lying to everyone including myself about the drugs found in my car when I was arrested for the OVI.  However,  everything else was true.  

Well, fast forward ten years and I’m still very hyper sexual, I still sometimes lie, I still don’t work but am on disability.  However, there are some things that are different in my life now.  I’ve excepted the fact that I’ll always have these problems along with depression and mania.  My life now is still a roller coaster which I’ve been on countless medications over the last ten years to try to control .  I would say I’m semi stable at the moment.  With that said I try to be honest and live my life to a higher standard which is hard at times but it definitely helps with my feeling of self worth.  I’m never going to be cured but I’m going to do what I need to do to stay stable.

I’ve babbled on and feel like my words are all over the place but I can tell you that for 2018 I’m most thankful for life and everything I’ve yet to experience.  

Happy Thanksgiving!