Day 59 " Another Mixed State Kind Of Day Plus Bed Wetting"

Today was a mixed bag of feelings and moods for me.   My Bell's Palsy seems to be improving a little bit which is encouraging.  I already feel like my life is so messed up and the Bell's Palsy just adds to all of that.  Anyway, I seem to be gaining back control of my eye lid.  It's not perfect but I can move it slowly if I take my time.  Other than that my speech is still slurred and when I smile the side of my face with  paralysis still looks like there's a paralysis.  I just keep praying that I will make a full recovery and that everything will be back to normal

Last night before I went to sleep I laid in bed and cried for a good hour.  I just want to know why all these things are happening to me.  Well, I don't have the answers to any of that and will probably never know.  I guess it's just the way the cookie crumbled.  There's no other explanation.  Today I ended up sleeping all day for a grand total of 15 hours and screwed up taking my pills which  was pretty depressing.  I also had a bed wetting accident last night which was depressing too.  That's something I haven't done in 25 years and now I've done it 3 times in the last month.  I will be so relieved and happy when I can say that I'm  stable and that my bipolar is under control.  I never in a million years thought it would be this hard to get things stabilized.

Tonight I thought I would make a fire and sit outside just to do something that's enjoyable to me and also to see if it would help my mood.  Well, other than sitting here alone it's given me something else to focus on other than all the negativity in my life.  I would have to say that for anybody trying to get their bipolar stabilized, try and do one thing that you enjoy everyday.  It could be surfing the Internet, making a fire, riding a bike, talking on the phone., or watching some television.  The point is to not let your bipolar dictate your life to you, but dictate to it how your going to live.

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