Day 93 "Meltdown Mode Approaching"

Today my mood has been low all day.  My speech has been really slow and a little slurred.  I've also been crying a little here and there.  My cousin was with me this afternoon and is very concerned with my treatment plan.  She told me that I'm always sleeping and how do I expect to work a job when I can't stay awake.  I agree with her and am going to talk with my therapist tomorrow.  My cousin's concerns go along with my own concerns.  In the beginning they told me that I should consider applying for Disability now I'm being told that I could possibly be working withing in a few months with the help of someone who will help me rewrite my resume.  God knows I would love to hold a full time job and take care of myself but is two months a realistic time frame.  I agree with my therapist that I'm making improvements but those improvements don't necessarily mean that I'll be able to hold a job.

Today I've also had slight discomfort in my stomach that I think may be my appendix.  It's not a stabbing kind of pain but I can feel it when I move, breathe, cough, or move the wrong way.  I'm tempted to take myself to the hospital tonight but I have an appointment with my doctor in the morning.  I'm just about ready to lose my mind over this and my bipolar disorder.  I've had the most horrible depressing summer and if I my appendix has to be removed I feel like I'm going to flip out.  I just want to feel normal again and I don't see that happening anytime soon.