Day 90 "Three Months On Medications Today"

Well, today marks the 90 day point in my treatment with medications.  It has been a long three months with many ups and downs.  I still have a little bit of mania from time to time but it's not anywhere as severe as it was before beginning treatment.  Three months ago I was very hypersexual, I was very angry with everyone, and I felt like I was above everyone else and could do anything I wanted.  I didn't care about the consequences of my actions.  I was also starting to have mixed episodes and was having highs and lows at the same time.  I felt like I was on a roller coaster that was non stop, out of control, and I couldn't get off of it.

When I started medications I was put on Lithium 900mg and Klonopin 1.5mg.  In a matter of a week the mania I was experiencing was gone.  I was left with a deep depression.  All I wanted to do was be in a dark room, sleep, and cry.  I even had thoughts of death and suicide during this time.  I got a hold of my  psychiatric nurse practitioner and told her how I was feeling and she decided that I needed something for the depression I was having.  She chose to raise my dosage of Klonopin to 3 mg and put me on Seroquel XR 300mg which took me about a month to get used to because of the sedating effect it had on me.  After that month I was still having some problems with depression and she decided to raise my dose another 300mg to 600mg.  I was  on this dose for about three weeks and developed problems with my vision.  After talking to her about this she reduced my dosage of Seroquel to 400mg and that seemed to do the trick.   

The biggest problem for me now is getting used to all of these medications.  Once I go to bed they tend to sedate me and it's hard for me to wake up.  Even if I do get up at a descent time I feel like I want to sleep for the first four or five hours I'm up.  Other than that I'm starting to feel better.  However, I still feel like I'm missing out on life and feel generally depressed.  I feel like I can't have any fun doing anything.  I never thought in a million years I would feel this way.  I thought after being on medications for a month I would feel normal again.  Being prescribed medications for bipolar is sure different than being prescribed medications for depression.  I'm looking forward to becoming totally stabilized on this medication and feeling more in control.  I'm going to keep doing what I'm instructed to do and by Day 180 I hope to feel even better.