Day 69 "Today Was Horrible For My Family"

This blog is about me and my day to day  struggles with bipolar disorder.  Today my mood went from being almost stable down to being really depressed back up to almost stable again in a matter of hours.  This happened because I got a call from my cousin today that my little sister, her immediate family, and my Mom were broad sided on the passenger side by a woman who ran a red light at a dangerous intersection.  Nobody saw it coming and my sister's vehicle flipped two or three times after impact.  Everyone was taken to the Emergency Room by ambulance and my Mom and sister both had the most damage.  My sister has broken ribs and my Mom has a fractured pelvis and is very sore.  The doctor said it will be around six to eight weeks before either one of them will be back to normal. 

I did a really good job of holding myself together but am now sitting here balling.  There had to be a guardian angel in that vehicle with them today looking out for them.  Just four months ago a young man was killed at the same intersection because of someone running a red light.  I'm just glad that everyone is ok.  My family could have all suffered the same fate.  I just know that something or someone was looking out for them today and all I can say is Thank you!

My father passed away over three years ago and since he's been gone I worry horribly about my Mom.  I feel this sense of responsibility and the scene that happened today has played out countless times in my head.  The only difference is that in my head everyone dies.  I have told this to a few people and they've all told me that I need to stop trying to carry the burden for everyone else and live my own life.  This makes it even tuffer because I keep saying to myself "what if I would have beeen driving her", "what if she would have just stayed home."  All these scenarios keep going through my head but I just need to let them go and realize that GOD has a plan for each and every one of us.

Well, I'm going to sign off here and try to sleep a little.  I didn't take my Seroquel  till just about an hour ago and I hope I can fall asleep.  I'm going to have to be awake tomorrow to help my Mom when she needs it.  The poor thing is so bruised up and has a hard time getting comfortable.  They did give her some pain medication that knocked her out.  I'm thankful for that!