Last night I never went to bed and stayed up all night looking at porn and trying to get a hookup for sex. I never did find anyone to have sex with me but I cruised the Internet for over ten hours looking for some self gratification. I haven't had feeling like that since I first started taking Lithium but for some reason Lithium didn't matter. As the night went on I became angrier because I couldn't get any takers. I was a little bit psycho about the whole thing. I had three different sites I mus jumping between plus checking me email hundreds of times looking for a private message. It just wasn't a good night and I was glad when daylight happened.
During the day i was just really angry and mean because I hadn't slept and I felt like I could hurt someone. When I'm like this its best for me to be alone and away from all people. i have therapy on Wednesday and I definitely need to talk to my therapist about whats happening. It just makes me so ashamed when all I can think about it sex. Well, I've been up 37 hours now and I'm going to try and go to sleep.
I’m a 46 year old man who’s been dealing with Bipolar my entire life. It wasn’t until 2013 that I was diagnosed and this blog is my story. As you’ll see there’s been many lapses in my posting but I’m going to try and get back with it. I’ve had a lot of trouble during my lapses but I continue to remain optimistic about my bipolar hence the title Optimistic Bipolar.
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