Day 110 "Nervous About Social Security Appeal Tomorrow"

Last night I tossed and turned all night but was in bed for almost twelve hours.  I just kept waking up even though I had the windows open and it was a great night for sleeping.  My mood today has been OK but I've been very hypomanic today.  Tomorrow I'm meeting with an attorney in the morning about appealing my disability claim.  I completed their pre interview questionaire and the actual appeal form.  I then found the same appeal form online that I could type then print and I have that for for them as well.  I have a script from my nurse practitioner I'm taking and I also have copies of my last two visits to the doctor's office.  I even debated taking all my pills for them to see.  I feel like I've maybe included too much but I won't know till I actually meet with the attorney in the morning. 

I almost didn't appeal their decision and let it go at that.  The denial letters made me feel like I was some how trying to scam Social Security.  I talked to my therapist and she said I was probably denied because I lacked medical evidence.  I thought about it and she's right.  I was seen over ten years ago for depression and again about six years ago.  I then was diagnosed with cyclothymic disorder and quit that treatment after a year.  However, I thought I would at the very least be required to see one of their doctors but that wasn't the case.  They just said that my illnesses weren't severe enough to collect disability.

Summer is almost over and this summer has been the hardest I've ever had to face.  I thought getting stabilized on medications would be easier than it's been.  Taking the medications is easy but the way they make you feel is a whole other issue.  I used to have so many little hobbies I enjoyed but haven't had the desire to do anything.  I do mow the grass with the tractor but even that has been a chore for me this summer.  I want to do so much but I've just felt overwhelmed by it all.  I'm looking forward to fall and the cooler weather.  I'm hoping the change in seasons will have a positive effect on me.  I have a really good friend whom I haven't seen in a year and I'm hoping to get away to see him sometime in the near future.