Last night I slept OK and woke up a few times to use the bathroom. I woke up this morning at around 8 which is the normal time I get up on a daily basis. I was kind of upset because today was a the day I was going to sleep in and do what I wanted to do. I guess my body had a different plan for me. So I got up and took my Mom to breakfast which is something we haven't done in a long time.
My mood was both up and down today. I had to mulch the leaves in the yard because they were getting out of control. I worked in the yard today on and off for close to seven hours. It was nice to be alone but I was also upset that I had no help and kept having to stop. I get overwhelmed and there's something that goes off in my brain and I just have to stop. When this happens all I can do is stare at what needs to be done and wonder how I'm going to do it. I pushed myself today to do everything my Mom needed me to do and I was able to finally come in after dark.
I feel like I'm complaining and it's making me feel like a loser. Yesterday I was consumed with my aunt and uncle and today I was consumed with my Mom and her needs. Nobody is ever concerned about my needs and what I need. I feel like I'm being pulled in fifty different directions and I dislike it. All these people know about my illness and and say they understand. If they understood they would see that I'm getting burnt out fast. I feel like I'm heading for a crash and when that happens I usually just walk away from whatever I was doing or whoever I was helping.
I’m a 46 year old man who’s been dealing with Bipolar my entire life. It wasn’t until 2013 that I was diagnosed and this blog is my story. As you’ll see there’s been many lapses in my posting but I’m going to try and get back with it. I’ve had a lot of trouble during my lapses but I continue to remain optimistic about my bipolar hence the title Optimistic Bipolar.
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