Day 172 "Trying To Figure Out How To Get Some Personal Time"

Last night I went to bed and slept for almost ten hours after getting home from the hospital.  I hit the pillow and was out.  When I woke up this morning I was still exhausted and could have easily went back to bed.  I was in my uncle's hospital room for over six hours today and couldn't keep my eyes open.  The good thing is that he was discharged today and got to go home.

My mood today has been down and depressed.  I feel like I have no time for myself to take care of my own needs.  My uncle had a feeding tube put in and my aunt is basically crippled and can't remember anything.  My uncle has a pretty bad short term memory.  He can remember things that happened thirty years ago but easily forgets things you've just told him.  My cousin who is an only child is always at work and even if she were more available I think the feeding tube would gross her out especially if the tube leaked or if any liquid were to come out of his stomach through the tube.  I only say this this because she gets grossed out if one of her animals throws up even if its just liquids.  As a result I feel like its just me and that's just the way its going to be.

I need some time off from my uncle and I also need time off from my Mom and sister.  I feel like I'm being pulled in so many different directions.  I guess it would be different if I was getting something for it.  Nobody pays me for anything I do.  It's just kind of expected that since I'm not working that I'm going to just be there for everyone.  Don't get me wrong, I love all these people and want to help as much as I can but I just keep doing and get nothing in return.  This weekend my cousin has off and I'm going to try and stay away so that I can get a little time to myself.  I will let everyone know how that goes for me.  Maybe I can have a depression free day or two.