Day 167 "Another Day At The Hospital"

Last night I slept pretty well getting about nine hours of sleep. I did wake up several times to use the bathroom but easily went back to sleep with no problems. Today, my mood started out as very irritable and I wanted to tell everyone off. After a few hours my mood stabilized and the anger went away. I have some days when I’m angry all day and others where my anger happens sporadically.

Today I’ve spent another day at the hospital because of having to get my aunt back and forth. My uncle has been there for over a week and has missed his last two radiation appointments and a chemotherapy appointment. The radiation oncologist said that the last two treatments would probably be cancelled. The radiation was supposed to shrink my uncle’s tumor but it hasn’t seemed to help. He still has a hard time keeping food and water down. His oncologist thought that it may just be pain from the radiation that is causing him distress and ordered a pain medication to be administered before he eats that hasn’t seemed to help either. He basically eats or drinks nothing and is starving to death.

The oncologist said the tumor would eventually win and I think my uncle knows this. I feel like he knows his time is about up and that he just wants to die. I feel like the fight is just about gone in him and that he would rather die than keep going through all this pain. I’m at peace if he wants to die; I just hope he passes comfortably and quickly.