Day 44 "Another Rotten Day Of Depression"

I got up around noon today which is a little earlier than I have been.  I wanted to go outside but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.  I’m not suicidal but I sure am feeling stressed like nothing is ever going to get better.  I just wish I had one person on my side that could understand what I’m dealing with.  Everybody is ok with me off medication and loves to get mad when my moods hit the extreme of both depression and mania but once I’m meds it’s like nobody gets it which drives me in sane. 

I feel so alone and would just like someone to come to my aid, give me a hug, and tell me everything is going to be ok.  I’ve never had anything like that in my adult life and it would be really nice. 

I’ve noticed that my hair is really getting grey and I figure it’s because of all the stress.  I tried to think about getting my car fixed today and that made me just want to go back to bed which I did do by the way.  Its midnight and I’ve only been out of bed about 8 hours today.  I know the medicine is helping me to become more stable but I just feel like I have a long road ahead of me.  I’ve been sitting here crying for half an hour and can’t stop.  I just wasn’t to feel normal whatever that may be for me.