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| Click the mood chart to enlarge. |
2012
March-April
- Job Started, Ice Cream Shop, Part Time Line Cook/Delivery Driver.
February 2012 – May 2012
- Overall mood was great.
- I was binging and purging a lot.
- Didn’t sleep for days on end and when I did it was usually only for three to four hours at most.
- Started using marijuana more regularly and consuming anywhere from two to three bowls up to two to three joints.
- The pot put a stop to racing thoughts and helped me to refrain from being more manic than I was and it also helped me to not binge and purge as much.
- I was very hypersexual during this time and was looking at porn on my computer several times per day.
- I also was very interested in hooking up with only guys and would post ads on craigslist looking for discreet hookups.
- I would usually end up posting an ad and then staying up all night checking my email ready to leave the house at a moment’s notice.
- These were the times I would actually be inclined to shower and shave which I would do before I place the ad so that I was ready to go as soon as I got a taker. Something would takes over in my mind and I would just want what I want and if I didn’t get it I would crash into a depressive angry state until my next hi period and do it all over again.
- All I could think about was the pleasure I would experience and it made me want that feeling even more. I had a vision of myself a hundred pounds lighter and able to have sex with anybody I want anytime I choose.
- I was easily agitated and angered by the littlest of things
- I had accelerated speech a lot and could talk for hours.
- I was spending about $65/week on marijuana which is what a half of the cheap stuff cost.
- On two other occasions I spent $100 per quarter to buy better quality.
- The better quality lasted a long time and really helped with my anxiety but not so well with my depression so I only used it when I was manic or hypersexual.
- It felt great to be working and this job had the least amount of responsibility of any I’ve ever had.
- I was also only working there about twelve hours a week to start with no responsibility.
- All I had to do was follow simple instructions of making food, bag orders, take orders over the phone, and deliver customer orders.
- After about three weeks my hours picked up to around 30 a week and I started feeling very stressed and angry.
- As a result I started making lots of mistakes and became so frustrated that I just texted my boss one morning and said I wasn’t coming in again.
- I have angry outbursts where I say horrible things about others and those around me see it as very funny.
- The worst part is that I can’t stop once I start and the harder people laugh at me the angrier and more upset I get.
May
- Job Ended, Ice Cream Shop, Quit/No Notice.
June
- Stopped Smoking Marijuana as it’s not good for my health.
June 2012 – March 2013
- I felt lethargic.
- I had no interest in anything that I used to enjoy doing (bike riding, hiking, photography, genealogy, being outside).
- I cut ties with everyone I hung out with in the past and the only people I have contact with are family.
- I can’t be upset about cutting these ties though because most of these people were toxic.
- I get very jumpy when driving and have had to pull over before because my heart feels like it’s going to pop out of my chest.
- Had lunch with a former co-manager I used to work with at Big Lots and we had lunch in August 2012.
- This is the only social time I’ve had away from home in almost a year. This was the nicest event that occurred for me in 2012.
- Most of the time I wanted to sleep and everyday consisted of about 14-16 hours in bed.
- My speech was labored and much more slower than when I’m experiencing mania.
- My general coordination was slower than normal.
- I always felt stressed and very anxious.
- I much preferred the quiet because certain noises caused me anxiety.
- I had no hope for my future.
- I thought about death a lot and how mine might play out.
- I had a hard time bathing, brushing my teeth, and shaving on a regular basis.
- I was on edge all the time and ready to snap at a moment’s notice.
November
- Stopped Smoking Cigarettes like I did pot because of health reasons.
- I had way more withdrawal with cigarettes though.
- In any event after about three months I stopped coughing every two minutes and it feels great.
- My lungs are recovering and for that I’m thankful!
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