Day 270 "Been A Rough Few Days Since Last Post"

First off today I've had a lot of anxiety and my mood has been low.  I'm being sued by a creditor and pursuing bankruptcy.  The problem with that is that I have zero money and very few possessions.  The whole thong is just very embarrassing and makes me want to cry.  I have like a little over three weeks to get this straightened out or I will have a huge debt hanging over my head that I can't pay.  The part that makes me feel even worse is that my sister was here when I was dealing with this yesterday and offered to give me whatever I needed.  I really appreciate it but feel so bad taking anything from anyone.

Other than that I've been having a lot of anxiety this week.  The first occurred when we had a pretty substantial snow the other morning and I had to drive in the aftermath.  There were many side streets that were untouched and hard to drive on especially in a small car.  In any event I got in to my aunt's allotment and her roads were some that had been untouched and the only way to their house either way is up a hill.  It sent me over the edge and I had to pull over the car for like ten minutes to calm down.  I was afraid I was going to wreck or that someone was going to hit me.  I was terrified.  The part that gets me is that I used to love to drive in any situation.

Another moment of anxiety I had this week was when my sister's children were at the house.  They are three and eight and both of them will jump around and rough house for hours on end.  When they jump around the whole house shakes and it doesn't matter whether I go to the basement or stay upstairs I get very panic stricken.  I get thoughts in my head that the floor is going to break and my stomach gets upset like I may throw up.  I'm not sure but I think I get motion sickness.  At Christmas their were 15 people in the house and just the vibration of the floor from that many people walking around in addition to the kids all jumping around had me nuts.  I try going outside and getting some air when this happens and talking myself through why I have nothing to fear but nothing helps and I end up with a sick feeling in my stomach and head.