Day 197 "A Lot Going On In My Head"

It's been eleven days since I last posted and I really don't feel like posting now.  However, if I talk about what's going on in my life maybe I'll feel better about things.  Since Thanksgiving I've been functioning about half.  I have been staying up late and sleeping the days away.  I have no holiday spirit and just want January to get here.  I haven't had a whole lot to say and have been very quiet.  My mood today has been much the same and I've had no energy to do anything.  I had to pick my nephew up from school today and I was so stressed because of having to do something.  The anxiety was so bad that I wasn't sure I would make it to his school.  I just wanted to stop the car and not move. 

So I was prescribed Latuda 20mg. two times per day which is a newer anti-psychotic.  I was told that this drug had a lesser chance of causing weight gain or diabetes.  Since starting this drug I've gained another fifteen pounds, my sugar numbers have been up, and I've been experiencing some blurry vision.  This is very distressing to me.  They want to give me a medication for depression but the medications side effects are causing me to feel more anxiety and depressed.  As a result, I stopped taking the Latuda and my weight gain has slowed down, my blood sugar numbers are improving, and my vision isn't blurry.  The downside has been that my depression hasn't changed and while I wish I wasn't feeling so down I'm willing to deal with it if I'm not having a bunch of drug side effects. 

So I've been going back and forth for the last few weeks about messing with my treatment plan.  I made a pledge that I would do whatever my nurse practitioner said I should do.  I've tried explaining to her that these side effects give me a lot of anxiety but she insists I should take these pills.  I've made the decision that for now I'm going to do what I need to do for my well being.