"Still Feeling Down"

It's been a number of days since my last post and I still feel down and depressed.  It's hard to get out of bed and even sleeping is depressing.  My mood is still up and down.  One minute I can be alright and the next I snap and get very angry saying the meanest things I can think of.  As usual my family thinks that I'm funny and will laugh which makes it worse for me.  The sad part is that I would be laughing too if I was one of them watching me.  I'm sure I'm pretty entertaining to everyone.  In addition to my mood swings I've also been having a lot of racing thoughts which I think trigger my moods.  Here is a list of what I might be thinking about in a span of about five minutes.

• Did I take my last pills this morning?
• How am I going to lose 160 pounds?
• Will I need to take insulin until I die?
• What's going to happen to me if Mom dies?
• Why can't my family understand what Bipolar Disorder does to a person?
• I just want to have sex with the first person I come in contact with!
• My neighbor across the street takes advantage of everybody and they keep doing for her.
• My sister and her husband keep getting handouts and I can't catch a break when it comes to money.
• I haven't had a car for close to a year and wonder how I'm going to get one.
• I need to find a job.
• Who's going to hire an overweight man in his 40's who hasn't worked in four years.
• My Mom's car needs a wax job.
• There's things around Mom's house that need to be replaced such as the water heater, roof, and windows.

I could add more to the list but I will leave it at this.  There's probably some people that will say I have issues with worrying about other people.  My answer to them will be that they're right.  Since being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I've rid my life of a lot toxic things that were hurting me and now that I'm seeing things clearer I've become a very bitter person which is something I'm working on changing.  All the bitterness does is cause you to covet things that aren't yours and be jealous. 

Finally, I'm going to continue to work through my Bipolar Disorder by trying to control it.  By controlling it I mean taking my medications on time and practicing coping strategies when I have a trigger.  It's all basically trial and error and but it's all I got right now.