Today has been much like all the other days I've had the last two months or so. They've been full of depression, anxiety, anger, thoughts about death, hopelessness, grandiose thoughts, and my favorite which is hypersexuality. It's just been since after Christmas that I've noticed the depression growing which I attribute to the let down of the holidays being over. I'm able to get around and do what I need to do but I'm having a hard time moving.
Today we got a little bit of snow and just looking at it made me feel crippled like I couldn't do anything. When the weather gets snowy and really cold I just can't do anything. Walking, driving, or doing any kind of task that involves concentration on my part is just so hard. As a result I end up putting things off I need to do and stuff just piles up. Nobody in my family can understand or will try to understand what it feels like to walk in my shoes for one day. They just look at me like I'm some kind of nut that's unapproachable. Every winter I go through an episode like this that usually lasts until late spring and the last couple of years I've been trying to keep myself on track by keeping daily schedules, doing deep breathing, meditating, walking, and coloring. Everything I've done has helped to some degree but I'm having an episode and I'm just going to have to ride it out as much as it pains me.
I’m a 46 year old man who’s been dealing with Bipolar my entire life. It wasn’t until 2013 that I was diagnosed and this blog is my story. As you’ll see there’s been many lapses in my posting but I’m going to try and get back with it. I’ve had a lot of trouble during my lapses but I continue to remain optimistic about my bipolar hence the title Optimistic Bipolar.
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