"How I See Christmas"

I always had big dreams when I was a kid of how grand the Christmas holiday would be when I was an adult. There were lots of lights, gifts, friends, family, and food. My being bipolar screwed everything up for me. Maybe if I would have been diagnosed at an earlier age Christmas could be different for me.  I live with my Mother and her along with my sister try and make my Christmas nice which I'll always appreciate. They make sure I have a roof, clothing, and food. I haven't worked for almost four four years now and when you can't afford to give back to everyone thats given to you it's hard and very depressing. I try to stay to myself during the holidays because I get upset often and have a lot of anxiety. However, even though Christmas is hard for me I like to watch "It's A Wonderful Life", "White Christmas", Christmas Vacation" plus whatever is on the Hallmark Channel. I also like to drive around and look at lights during the month of December. While watching old movies and driving around doesn't always make me feel great it does help me to unwind in my head.