Day 56 "Had A Good Day"

Today was an overall good day for me.  I wasn't in the best mood and jumping around in circles but I was content and functioned ok even with the Bell's Palsy I have.  From looking at my mood tracker, since starting the Seroquel 300mg XR I have noticed that I'm not experiencing as much hypomania as I was and my depression is getting better.  I'm seeing a pattern of being more on the low side of stable but maybe that's what stable for me is.  I expect that I will still have some medication changes or dosage tweaks especially since I have still not seen the seen the doctor about my thyroid being high.  I just keep reminding myself that I'm taking back control of my life and that's what's most important to me

About the Bell's Palsy, I have been following the doctor's orders and keeping my eye covered, putting artificial tear drops in it several times a day, and taking all my pills as scheduled.  I have been taking Prednisone and everybody says that's what is giving me this energy I'm having.  I'm not going to lie and tell you that I won't be disappointed if I go back to feeling like crap when I'm done with that drug.  Even though I'm drooling, have really slurred speech, and can't close my right eye I feel really good.

Today I went to my cousins house to spend the day and of course to see her little cat Daisy who I just adore.  This little cat latched herself on to me when she was a kitten and I just love her to death.  When I lay down she crawls on top of me and sleeps wherever she pleases.  I don't mind.  Animal or not she accepts me for who I am and gives me total unconditional.  Spending time with her today was the best medicine a guy could ask for.  I hope tomorrow is as good as today was.

This is my little girl, click to enlarge.

 

Day 55 "Doing Ok With Bell's Palsy So Far"

Well, this is the first morning since starting to take medication for Bell’s Palsy.  I took everything today as scheduled and as the day went along I felt better. I feel really good this evening.  I started out kind of slow this morning but as the day went along I was able to talk a little better and my body movements are much better than yesterday when I was stumbling around a lot.  I am on Prednisone and have been told that it will make you feel very good.  Who knows, I just know that if I continue in the direction I did today than I can live with it.

My overall mood was alright for the most part today.  I started out a little bit depressed and as the day went a long my depression got a lot better.  By dinner I wasn’t angry or irritated about anything.  The reason tonight may have been better mood wise is that I decided to take my klonopin as prescribed at 3mg per day instead of only taking 1.5mg.  The psychiatrist prescribed it for a reason and if it helps I have to go with it.  I’m not real happy about having to take a benzodiazepine three times a day because of the tolerance building and needing a larger dose but I have talked to many people who have used it for years with a lot of success.  But like the name Optimistic Bipolar I have to remain optimistic that my psychiatrist will find the correct combination of medications to keep me stable.

Day 54 "I Have Bell's Palsy"

Nice way to start the weekend! Woke up today slurring my words and had paralysis on the right side of my face. I thought I was having a stroke and was terrified. I didn't have any kinds of scans or anything but did see a Doctor and he thinks I have Bell's Palsy and sent me home with three prescriptions that equals out to 15 pills a day for 10 ten days I need to take.

Bell's palsy is a paralysis of the muscles on one side of your face. Damage to the facial nerve that controls muscles on one side of the face causes that side of your face to droop. The nerve damage may also affect your sense of taste and how you make tears and saliva. This condition comes on suddenly, often overnight, and usually gets better on its own within a few weeks. There is no link between stroke and transient ischemic attack (TIA).

The worst part about today for me has been that In addition to the 7 pills I take for my bipolar I now have to take 15 more a day for the next ten days. I made myself an excel document, listed all the medications and the times I have to take them. When I take a pill I place an X over its slot and move on. I'm pretty much taking pills every fours from 8 in the morning until 2 in the morning every day and have alarms set on my phone to keep me consistent. Well, I've had a long day and am going to relax until my next dose of medication then go to bed.    

Click to enlarge.

Day 53 "Feeling Better Today!"

I slept pretty good last night and only slept until 11 this morning which is pretty good considering that I've been sleeping 12-16 hours a day since starting Seroquel.  Seroquel has kicked my but, however I do feel like I'm less depressed with it.  That being said, my depression must have been pretty severe because even taking 300mg XR I still feel down most days just not as bad as I did before.  I also still cry a lot more than I did and feel more slowed in general.  Tomorrow I have an appointment with the psychiatrist and will be telling her everything I've been experiencing,

Today my Mom was gone all day and I had the house to myself and the feeling was great.  I could watch whatever I wanted on the television and I didn't have to talk which was a good thing.  Sometimes it's really nice not to say anything at all.  Today was one of those days.  My appetite today was really low and I was still achy all over but I still think I had a pretty good day.

Day 52 "Felt Really Tired All Day!"

Hello All, It is a really warm Wednesday here in Ohio and all I wanted to do was sleep.  I got into bed around 3am this morning and ended up sleeping until a little after 5 in the afternoon.  I did manage to get my pills this morning but if I wouldn't have had an alarm set I would've been screwed.  However, I did forget to take my Klonopin this afternoon and it didn't hit me until late in the evening when my head started to hurt.  I was having a little bit of withdrawal from the Klonopin.  So I took it and within an hour I was fine. 

Years ago while in a manic phase I got hooked on Xanax bars and bought like a hundred of them  and was breaking them in half to take for sleep.  Well, after about five months I just decided to quit because I had built up a tolerance.   I went through the most horrible withdrawal ever.  My body ached, I had brain zaps, and I had the most horrible anxiety ever.  I thought I was going to die. I got on the Internet and and after reading about benzodiazapines I learned that you have to taper off them.  So, I bought a bunch more of the bars and begin a tapering off that lasted about two months.  Anyway, I promised myself I would never abuse a benzodiazapine again.

In any event, it's getting late and I'm just plain tired, Goodnight!

Day 51 "Dreamed About My Deceased Father Today"

I went to bed last night a little after 1am and besides getting up to take pills and eat a little bit with them, I ended up sleeping for 14 hours.  I didn’t want to get out of bed and that’s where I felt most comfortable.  My speech has been slow today and I have felt a little uneasy on my feet. 

This week will be two months since medication began for my Bipolar1 and I anticipate there will be more changes.  This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life.  Today when I was sleeping I dreamed my deceased Father came in my room and knocked everything down off the wall where he had hung some shelves and then handed me some drafting tools and left.  He wasn’t angry but I didn’t know what the purpose of that was. 

Anyway, I just wanted to make note of it.  Since starting to take Serequel XR 300mg nightly I have had a lot of vivid dreams that seem to make no sense.  Anyway I’m going to sign off for now and relax a little before bed.

Day 50 "Mixed Bag Kind Of Day AGAIN"

Today I woke up at 8am and took my pills, ate a light breakfast, drank some water and went back to bed.  I was really groggy and needed the sleep.  I woke up in the afternoon around 2 and was still a little groggy but I was more irritable and angry.  I argued with my seven year old nephew for over an hour about what he was watching on television.  I finally walked away because it wasn’t worth arguing with a seven year old and it was just making me angrier. 

In the evening I was just pissed off at the world about what, I don’t know.  I felt depressed, angry, ready to unload, slowed down, and I felt like my future was hopeless.  However, even though I felt like that I got on a kick of scanning my Mom and Grandma’s old recipes in the computer and I got on a mini high.  I was motivated, creative, had more energy, and my thoughts were racing about what I could do with all the family information I’ve been recording.  However, I was still depressed, angry, anxious, felt like my future was hopeless.  It was a head struggle kind of night.  I’m not really sure what I was.  I just wish it could have been normal.  Anyway, I’m done for tonight, going to try and watch a little television, and go to bed.