Today is the first time in months that I've felt in control of my life. I've finally figured out that I can say no and don't have to offer an explanation. Just state the facts and move on. However this is hard and takes a lot of practice. I've been writing down different scenarios and the way I would handle them. The most difficult thing for me is to not come across as judgemental. Coming across as judgemental can be a problem in any situation. I just have to keep in mind to stick to the facts. My decisions are not for others to like but accept.
Since my last post I've been pretty hypomanic maybe more manic. I've averaged about two to three hours of sleep a night and have struggled with taking medication. I've also been smoking both cigarettes and occasionally marijuana. While I don't smoke marijuana everyday I have spent around $1400 this summer on it. Finally, I've been very hypersexual and had a hookup with someone I met online.
So while I'm making progress in how I handle myself with others I'm still having alot of trouble being able to manage myself. It's difficult when some days your high then the next your low. Some days for me it's both which is hell for me as well as the people I'm around. The ups and downs are very draining and makes it hard to cope. However, the fact that I've made progress with being able to say no is a major accomplishment for me. All I can do is to keep on fighting.
No comments:
Post a Comment