Day 59 " Another Mixed State Kind Of Day Plus Bed Wetting"

Today was a mixed bag of feelings and moods for me.   My Bell's Palsy seems to be improving a little bit which is encouraging.  I already feel like my life is so messed up and the Bell's Palsy just adds to all of that.  Anyway, I seem to be gaining back control of my eye lid.  It's not perfect but I can move it slowly if I take my time.  Other than that my speech is still slurred and when I smile the side of my face with  paralysis still looks like there's a paralysis.  I just keep praying that I will make a full recovery and that everything will be back to normal

Last night before I went to sleep I laid in bed and cried for a good hour.  I just want to know why all these things are happening to me.  Well, I don't have the answers to any of that and will probably never know.  I guess it's just the way the cookie crumbled.  There's no other explanation.  Today I ended up sleeping all day for a grand total of 15 hours and screwed up taking my pills which  was pretty depressing.  I also had a bed wetting accident last night which was depressing too.  That's something I haven't done in 25 years and now I've done it 3 times in the last month.  I will be so relieved and happy when I can say that I'm  stable and that my bipolar is under control.  I never in a million years thought it would be this hard to get things stabilized.

Tonight I thought I would make a fire and sit outside just to do something that's enjoyable to me and also to see if it would help my mood.  Well, other than sitting here alone it's given me something else to focus on other than all the negativity in my life.  I would have to say that for anybody trying to get their bipolar stabilized, try and do one thing that you enjoy everyday.  It could be surfing the Internet, making a fire, riding a bike, talking on the phone., or watching some television.  The point is to not let your bipolar dictate your life to you, but dictate to it how your going to live.

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Day 58 "More Random Thoughts"

First off, I want to say that I've had yet another pretty good day with Bell's Palsy.  I'm hoping that it doesn't last too long and that my face will be back to normal soon.  My goal is to keep on taking my pills and following the doctor's orders one hundred percent.  I do have to say that even though it is annoying that the paralysis causes my mouth not to function correctly, which means I wear a lot of what I drink, it does make me laugh.  Laughter is good for the sole and is helping me to remain sane.

In terms of the Bell's Palsy I have my own theory on what may have caused it. About ten years ago I had a root canal done and had the tooth filled but never had the crown put on it. Well, about two years ago the filling started coming out and In the last six months the last of the filling has come out. Anyway, my sister works for a dentist and has gotten me prescriptions three times because the thing gets so infected. Well the doctor I saw told me I have a bad cavity where the filling was.

The day before yesterday I laid in bed for hours and the pain in and around the gum of that tooth was horrible. This happens from time to time and sometimes I'll wake up and I'll have dried blood on my face. It was uncomfortable all day and later in the evening I was getting a drink of water and when I went to open my mouth I got like a charlie horse in my jaw. It felt really funny and has never happened to me. I'm thinking that the infection in my tooth was so bad that it caused stress on my facial muscles. One of the times I got antibiotics from my sister I had a partial paralysis in my face but it didn't effect my eye like this time. However, since I've started taking the meds I'm feeling much better and I'm going to have the tooth pulled as soon as I'm done on medications for the infection.

Today my mood was pretty stable all day which is an improvement over the highs and lows I had been having.  The only problem I had today was with the Seroquel XR I took last night.  I took it later than normal because I had to eat with one of the medication's I'm on for Bell's Palsy and it caused me to sleep really late today.  I also missed taking a bunch of pills because of this.  So tonight, I just adjusted the times of the pills I needed to take and got to take it a little earlier.  They say that if you eat with the XR (extended release) form of the drug the food can cause the drug to become IR (immediate release) which is something I'm going to look in to.  I had the unfortunate experience of taking an Seroquel IR given to me once and it hit me like a train in about ten minutes and it seemed to where off me and then I couldn't go back to sleep.  I like the how the XR gradually releases the drug in to my system which really helps me to sleep more comfortably the entire night.
 
Finally, I just want to say how happy and grateful I am for the invention of the computer.  When I was in my early twenties we didn't have cell phones or computers.  You had to get on the old rotary dial or push button phone and actually call someone.  The invention of the computer has helped me to stay in touch with the world with the strike of a key.  I can pretty much say what I want and do what I please and because it's the Internet that's my right.  The Internet has given me the opportunity to have a space where I can share with you about my bipolar disorder.  Hopefully something I've written will inspire someone else to take control of their illness and be an optimistic bipolar.

Day 57 "Random Thoughts About Everything"

I read on the net in an article from The Mayo Clinic and it stated that after many tests they have discovered that many people with Bipolar disorder are low on vitamin D.  So, that might be something to think about.  I'm going to be seeing and endocrinologist here in the next few weeks and will be asking her about testing my blood to see If I'm low on vitamin D.  I've heard that people who were deficient in vitamin D began having improvements in blood pressure, deep depression, SAD, and just an overall boost in mood after taking a vitamin D supplement.  I'll take any help I can get and If a little vitamin D pill will help me to stay stabilized I'm all for it.

Today was a pretty good day overall all the pills I have to take.  I take pills for the Bell's Palsy and my Bipolar at 8am, 12pm, 4pm, 6pm, 8pm, 12am, and 2am.  Besides making it hard to leave the house, some of the pills I'm supposed to eat with and others I'm supposed to take on an empty stomach.  I been drinking around a gallon of water a day but I have also been eating at weird times as well.  My face still has paralysis but I've been told that can last for months and that there's a possibility I'll have relapses.  I just can't wait till I'm done with all these pills and can get myself back on a schedule.  By schedule I mean eating, sleeping, and exercising schedule.

As for my bipolar I feel that I'm doing pretty good considering everything that's going on.  The roller coaster that I was on for so long has stopped and I've been able to be off of it for a couple of weeks now.  The Lithium my psychiatrist prescribed really put a halt to the mania I was having and the Seroquel she put me on has helped the deep depression I was having when the Lithium kicked in.  She also prescribed me Klonopin to take and told me that it was supposed to help pull me out of mania as well but I find that it really helps me to relax a lot which is something I've had a hard time doing for a long time.  My heart used to race all the time and that doesn't happen like it used to.

My psychiatrist didn't make any changes to my medications this week because of the Bell's Palsy but I feel a little tweaking will be in order when all is better with my face.  I like what the Seroquel is doing and would like to try a dosage increase to see if it could lift my depression anymore.

Day 56 "Had A Good Day"

Today was an overall good day for me.  I wasn't in the best mood and jumping around in circles but I was content and functioned ok even with the Bell's Palsy I have.  From looking at my mood tracker, since starting the Seroquel 300mg XR I have noticed that I'm not experiencing as much hypomania as I was and my depression is getting better.  I'm seeing a pattern of being more on the low side of stable but maybe that's what stable for me is.  I expect that I will still have some medication changes or dosage tweaks especially since I have still not seen the seen the doctor about my thyroid being high.  I just keep reminding myself that I'm taking back control of my life and that's what's most important to me

About the Bell's Palsy, I have been following the doctor's orders and keeping my eye covered, putting artificial tear drops in it several times a day, and taking all my pills as scheduled.  I have been taking Prednisone and everybody says that's what is giving me this energy I'm having.  I'm not going to lie and tell you that I won't be disappointed if I go back to feeling like crap when I'm done with that drug.  Even though I'm drooling, have really slurred speech, and can't close my right eye I feel really good.

Today I went to my cousins house to spend the day and of course to see her little cat Daisy who I just adore.  This little cat latched herself on to me when she was a kitten and I just love her to death.  When I lay down she crawls on top of me and sleeps wherever she pleases.  I don't mind.  Animal or not she accepts me for who I am and gives me total unconditional.  Spending time with her today was the best medicine a guy could ask for.  I hope tomorrow is as good as today was.

This is my little girl, click to enlarge.

 

Day 55 "Doing Ok With Bell's Palsy So Far"

Well, this is the first morning since starting to take medication for Bell’s Palsy.  I took everything today as scheduled and as the day went along I felt better. I feel really good this evening.  I started out kind of slow this morning but as the day went along I was able to talk a little better and my body movements are much better than yesterday when I was stumbling around a lot.  I am on Prednisone and have been told that it will make you feel very good.  Who knows, I just know that if I continue in the direction I did today than I can live with it.

My overall mood was alright for the most part today.  I started out a little bit depressed and as the day went a long my depression got a lot better.  By dinner I wasn’t angry or irritated about anything.  The reason tonight may have been better mood wise is that I decided to take my klonopin as prescribed at 3mg per day instead of only taking 1.5mg.  The psychiatrist prescribed it for a reason and if it helps I have to go with it.  I’m not real happy about having to take a benzodiazepine three times a day because of the tolerance building and needing a larger dose but I have talked to many people who have used it for years with a lot of success.  But like the name Optimistic Bipolar I have to remain optimistic that my psychiatrist will find the correct combination of medications to keep me stable.

Day 54 "I Have Bell's Palsy"

Nice way to start the weekend! Woke up today slurring my words and had paralysis on the right side of my face. I thought I was having a stroke and was terrified. I didn't have any kinds of scans or anything but did see a Doctor and he thinks I have Bell's Palsy and sent me home with three prescriptions that equals out to 15 pills a day for 10 ten days I need to take.

Bell's palsy is a paralysis of the muscles on one side of your face. Damage to the facial nerve that controls muscles on one side of the face causes that side of your face to droop. The nerve damage may also affect your sense of taste and how you make tears and saliva. This condition comes on suddenly, often overnight, and usually gets better on its own within a few weeks. There is no link between stroke and transient ischemic attack (TIA).

The worst part about today for me has been that In addition to the 7 pills I take for my bipolar I now have to take 15 more a day for the next ten days. I made myself an excel document, listed all the medications and the times I have to take them. When I take a pill I place an X over its slot and move on. I'm pretty much taking pills every fours from 8 in the morning until 2 in the morning every day and have alarms set on my phone to keep me consistent. Well, I've had a long day and am going to relax until my next dose of medication then go to bed.    

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Day 53 "Feeling Better Today!"

I slept pretty good last night and only slept until 11 this morning which is pretty good considering that I've been sleeping 12-16 hours a day since starting Seroquel.  Seroquel has kicked my but, however I do feel like I'm less depressed with it.  That being said, my depression must have been pretty severe because even taking 300mg XR I still feel down most days just not as bad as I did before.  I also still cry a lot more than I did and feel more slowed in general.  Tomorrow I have an appointment with the psychiatrist and will be telling her everything I've been experiencing,

Today my Mom was gone all day and I had the house to myself and the feeling was great.  I could watch whatever I wanted on the television and I didn't have to talk which was a good thing.  Sometimes it's really nice not to say anything at all.  Today was one of those days.  My appetite today was really low and I was still achy all over but I still think I had a pretty good day.