"New Year Same Old Problems"

2015 is here and nothing has changed but the the date which is the case every year.  I get myself all psyched up for the new year and once it gets here there's a big let down the next day.  I'm sure many people experience the same sort of let down that I am.  It's the kind of let down where all this hype which has been built up for months centered around lights, food, family, traditions, religion, music, and who could forget presents which all just go away.  It can be a big shock to a person's mental well being and I'm convinced that the new year leads to a lot of depression or worsening of depression. 

Well, so far in the new year I've been compliant with insulin injections and taking all my pills.  The only problem I'm having with my medications is that my psychiatrist put me on Topamax at the beginning of December to help with withdrawal effects of coming off Klonopin and I feel like I have bugs crawling all over me.  The sensation is so horrible that I can't sleep.  I will be seeing him next week and hopefully I can take something different.  My insulin is working as my sugar has come quite a bit but still has a way to go.  I see my primary care doctor next week and would assume he'll be tweaking my insulin dosage.  As I learn more I will post it online.

Finally, my mood has been pretty much in the dumps lately.  I feel like I'm on both sides of the bipolar scale.  One side of me is constantly thinking about sex, watching pornography, extreme anger, and having all kinds of grandiose thoughts which are racing most of the time.  The other side of me is depressed, easily cries, wants to do nothing but sleep when I can stop itching, and mad.  My level of anxiety seems to be about the same on both sides which makes it hard to drive sometimes, be around people, or noise in general.

I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S SO HARD TO GET ME STABILIZED....IT'S GOING ON TWO YEARS!!!!