Day 25 "Mixed State KInd Of Day"

Well, I woke up at 345am and was never able to get back to sleep.  I just laid there and tried to fall asleep but nothing.  I had racing thought about all kinds of things, but mostly sex. Today has been a mixed day of emotions for me.  There is no reason for any of it other than that’s how I feel.  The biggest thing for me today besides being hypersexual is depression.  I have felt down all day and feel like I’m a worthless piece of garbage but yet I keep thinking about sex.  I just feel like I’m jumping through hurdles for what. 

I took my Mom over to my sister’s house today so that she could watch the kids while my sister put a swing set together.  I stayed in the house for most of it and tried to fix my sister's computer that her son keeps messing up.  I was just so angry and depressed the whole time.  When it came time for us to have to leave at 6 my sister didn’t get it that I had to get home and take my pills.  She basically wanted us to stay and got kind of annoyed that we were leaving.  

As it was we didn’t get home till almost 8pm and I have tried to take my pills at the same time every day.  I just wish people could respect what I got going on in my life.  I don’t want any pity nor do I want any handouts.  I just want to be respected.  I put my tent up a few days ago and I’m going to camp out tonight by myself.  Maybe it will make me feel better.