2005 Year Review Age 33

 

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2005

January

• Job Transfer, Big Lots , Lateral Move per District Supervisor  (50 miles farther North, Wooster, Ohio.
• Job Ended, Big Lots , Quit/No Notice/Stress, Wooster, Ohio.

February – August

• Didn’t have any energy.
• I felt like my life was over.
• I had no hope for my future.
• My speech was labored at times.
• I quit smoking marijuana until December 2006 .
• I had a lot of anxiety and it was aggravated by noise, television, animals, other people.
• I lost interest in things I enjoyed like photography, biking, and driving.
• All I wanted to do was sleep and be alone.
• I cut all ties with friends and isolated myself.
• I didn’t have much of an appetite.
• I feared my own death and thought about it a lot. 
• Sometimes I would have racing thoughts about dying.
• I was scared to ride in the car because of getting in an accident and dying.

April

• Went to Planned Parenthood and got an HIV test and tested negative. 

September

• Started New Job,Kaufmanns, Seasonal Trim-A-Home, Columbus, Ohio.

2004 Year Review Age 32

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2004

July

• Had a meltdown at work and gave up work responsibilities to take off some of the pressures of the job per my Manager. 
• I was always working different shifts, covering call offs, always on my feet. 
• Every day was always different and you never knew what to expect. 
• My Store Manager along with my co-ASM advised me to get help and told me that my future depended upon it. 
• I thought I could handle it myself and did alright for a while but ended up crashing and burning. 
• I went in to work before the start of my shift in late January 2005 and said I was done and walked away.

2003 Year Review Age 31

 

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2003

January

• Job Ended, Kay Bee Toys, Terminated/Harmful Conduct.

February - March

• Saw my previous psychiatrist and started back on Effexor because I had a crash and burn in January that cost me my job @ K*B Toys and I was very depressed again like I was before I ever started taking Effexor.

March

• Started New Job, Sheetz, Shift Manager

March

• Job Ended, Sheetz, Quit/No Notice

June

• Started New Job, Big Lots, ASM Merchandising,Coulimbus, Ohio

July-October

• Stopped Taking Effexor because I had a new job and was feeling very good again.
• I felt like I was on top of the world.

July 2003 – January 2005 

• Overall mood felt great.  I was on a high for over a year and I didn’t want it to end.  I always felt like the life of the party.
• Didn’t sleep for days on end and when I did it was usually only for three to four hours at most. 
• I was always hypersexual looking at porn and thinking about sex.  I thought about sex all the time night and day.
• Occasionally would drink beer maybe once a week, sometimes I wouldn’t have any….it did not mix well with marijuana. 
• Started using marijuana again most everyday consuming anywhere from three to four bowls up to two to three joints. 
• It was something I did when I wasn’t at work and had heavier consumption on days off. 
• I only l liked smoking to the point where my brain felt stable and it helped me to not binge and purge.
• I was easily agitated and angered by the littlest of things and could blow at the drop of a hat.
• I didn’t drink a lot but was spending around $35-40 a week on pot.
• I became friends with a bunch of new people when I started working at Big Lots and we would get together just about every night and hang out for hour’s sometimes smoking marijuana.
• There were several times where I went to work the next day in the same clothes I had left in the day before because I had never went home. 
• I had always been made fun of and didn’t have many friends and for the first time I had like three good friends.
• In December – January 2005 I was very depressed and slept anytime I wasn’t working.  I was sleeping anywhere from 12 to fifteen hours a day. 
• Darkness was my friend.
• In early January 2005 I was very hypersexual and met a guy I had spent all night looking around on the internet for.

August

• Job Transfer, Big Lots , ASM Merchandising to ASM Operations, Columbus, Ohio

2002 Year Review Age 30

 

 

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2002

August - November

• Stopped taking Effexor. 
• Stopped smoking marijuana until July 2003
• I felt in control and my mood was very good. 
• I felt like I could do anything.
• I was very hypersexual and looking at a lot of porn on the computer.

October 2002 – January 27, 2003

• I was very hypersexual during this time looking at porn and thinking about sex all I could.
• In mid November I was informed that my store location would be closing and that I was not to tell anyone till after the Thanksgiving holiday.
• Through the month of December I worked 70 – 90 hour work weeks.
• Through the month of January I worked seven days a week 12 hour days. 
• I was working long hours in my store and then spending a lot of time on the road transferring merchandise between stores.
• I was only sleeping three to four hours a night at most.
• There were times that I went for four or five days without any sleep.
• I was obsessed with my weight during this time and binged and purged just about everyday.
• I was very down during this period and felt like my life was ending sometimes.
• I was very irritable and could become angry pretty easily. 
• There were times when my speech was very accelerated.
• I was both depressed and manic when my store finally closed at the end of January.  
• I was sad that I had to let some people go.
• I was sad that my sore was going to be gone.
• I was pissed at my boss because he said he was going to help me close the store and didn’t.
• I was angry because when he did help me it was the last day and everything was done.
• Me and my ASM would leave each other nasty voicemails on the store voice mail sometimes.
• The voicemails were funny at first but became more sarcastic and rude towards others.
• The last two messages that me and my ASM left for each other accidentally went to all stores. Well my ASM's was accidental. 
• I was well aware of what I did and slept very good that night.
• We both said horrible nasty things about coworkers and my boss
• We were both fired for harmful conduct

2001 Year Review Age 29

 

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2001

January-March

• Started Seeing a Psychiatrist, Diagnosed with depression, prescribed Effexor which I took until sometime towards the end of 2002. 
• I got to a point where I felt really good and thought I could handle things on my own.

October-December

• Iwas working 50-60 hours a week as a salaried employee.
• I was sleeping very less than four hours a night.
• I was very irritable and could exploed  on a dime.
• I always had a new project at work to do and everything had to be perfect.
• I was always self confident.
• I had a lot of energy.

November

• I thought I was having a heart attack and was having a lot of anxiety around Thanksgiving and asked my Dad to take me to the Hospital where they kept me for a few hours and other than that I can’t remember what happened. 
• I do know that after that I started eating better and lost a little weight.

2000 Year Review Age 28

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2000

March

• Job Demotion, K*B Toys, Transferred as SM to lower volume store per District Supervisor. 
• My Boss had left his atache case on my desk and at the time we were so busy I had no clue who it belonged to. 
• I opened it to see who it belonged to and the first thing I saw was a paper listing all the salaries of the managers in our district. 
• Needless to say, I had an outburst at another manager about this and it got back to him. 
• I was then transferred to the lowest volume store without my pay being decreased. 
• I was so upset and felt like a failure but I did have the chance to make the same money and do less work.

October-December

• Iwas working 50-60 hours a week.
• I was sleeping less.
• I was very irritable and could exploded on a dime.
• I always had a new project at work to do and everything had to be perfect.
• I was always self confident.
• I had a lot of energy.

1999 Year Review Age 27



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1999

January-March

• Started Smoking Marijuana which started out as a once in a while habit and became an activity which I took part in daily until June 2012 when I decided I didn’t want it anymore. 
• It made my brain slow down when I was feeling manic and when I was depressed it helped me to be able to function. 
• It also made me less likely to binge and purge which I always felt very shameful of.

October-December

• Iwas working 70-80 hours a week.
• I was sleeping less.
• There were weeks where I only slpet a night or two at best.
• I was very irritable and could exploded on a dime.
• I always had a new project at work to do and everything had to be perfect.
• I was always self confident.
• I had a lot of energy.