2009 Year Review Age 37

 

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2009

April

• Started New Job,Pizza Shop, Part Time Pizza/Chicken Cook.

July

• Ended Treatment for Cyclothymia, I thought I was in control and feeling very good so I just stopped going. 
• I finished the medications I had and never filled them again. 
• The last time I took prescriptions from this treatment was in late August or September.

 July 2009 – October 2010

• Overall mood felt really good.
• Started binging and purging again.
• Didn’t sleep for days on end and when I did it was usually only for three to four hours at most.
• Drank beer two to three times a week, it was more about being feeling good, being accepted , and being the life of the party. 
• I had a friend who lived close to the bar and I would walk to his house so that I wasn’t drinking and driving. 
• A lot of my beer was free because I was an employee/manager but if I had a tab it was usually because I bought something for someone else such as a customer, friend, or employee.
• Smoked marijuana most everyday consuming anywhere from three to four bowls up to maybe a joint or two. 
• This was something I didn’t do on work time and had higher consumption on off days. 
• I only have ever enjoyed smoking marijuana to the point where it made my anxiety stop, my feelings of depression go away, and the urge to binge and purge not be there. 
• I never drank beer with marijuana because it totally took away the good effects that the pot had on me.
• I did mushrooms once with a bunch of people at a bonfire at Lake Erie and hallucinated for like four or five hours. 
• This wasn’t something I enjoyed and have never had the urge or the want to do anything like that again.
• I was very hypersexual all the time and would try to pick up girls at the bar where I worked and on three occasions actually went home with one. 
• I would look at porn on my computer just about every day. 
• I also was very interested in meeting up with guys as well and would post ads on craigslist looking for discreet hookups. 
• These were times I would actually be inclined to shower and shave which I would do before I placed the ad so that I was ready to go as soon as I got a taker. 
• Something would takes over in my mind and I would just want what I want and if I didn’t get it I would crash into a depressive angry state until my next hi period and do it all over again. 
• All I could think about was the pleasure I may experience and it made me want that feeling even more. 
• I had this vision of myself a hundred pounds lighter and able to have sex with anybody I want anytime I choose.
• I was easily agitated and angered by the littlest of things. 
• I could snap at the drop of a hat and was very confrontational. 
• There were times when I would say the most horrible things about people and it would cause those around me to laugh and say how funny I was. 
• I couldn’t control these outbursts and the fact that people were laughing made me angrier.
• My speech was accelerated all the time and I felt like I never shut up
• I spent about $70/week on marijuana and rationed it as much as I could. 
• At this time in my life it was something that I did more on my own tan with others. 
• Being a guy and bulimic was very shameful for me and the fact that I could control it plus some of my anxiety and depression made it ok in my book to smoke marijuana.
• I was afraid if it got out that I had an eating disorder people wouldn’t like me.

2008 Year Review Age 36

 

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2008

July

• Stopped binging and purging regularly and started seeing a therapist for my bulimia

July

• July 5, 2008 I was stopped in Wooster, Ohio and arrested for OVI after not sleeping for close to a week/being hypersexual for over a week/felt like I couldn't stop for over a week/had a great "hi feeling" for over a week/Drinking non-stop for over six hours  and had a BAC of .22.
• Convicted of OVI and Drug Possession, Sentenced to one year probation/one year driver's license suspension and fines.
• Diagnosed with Cyclothymia, Prescribed Celexa/Depression, Tegretol/Mood, and Trazodone/Sleep. 
• I began seeing a therapist on a weekly basis and was being treated for bulimia as well as my Cyclothymia. 
• I continued this treatment from August 2008 until July 2009.

2007 Year Review Age 35

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2007

October

• Hospital, Overnight Stay, Extreme Anxiety/Chest Pains/Racing Thoughts, They performed a Stress Test/Blood Tests

October-November

• Started going to the Hospital Clinic where I had my overnight stay and was diagnosed with GAD and prescribed the anti-depressant Lexapro. 
• I had scheduled visits and was monitored regularly by Nurses and MD's. 
• I did this into the spring of 2008 sometime.

2006 Year Review Age 34

 

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2006

January

• Job Promotion, Seasonal Trim-A-Home to Part Time Sales Associate, Columbus,Ohio

July

• Job Ended, Kaufmann's, Better Opportunities, Pittsburg, PA 
• Started New Job, Finlay Fine Jewelry, Branch Manager (Kaufmann's/Macy's), Pittsburg, PA 

August – December

• I began working long hours at my new job as the Fine jewelry Manager. 
• I usually worked two to three hours over my scheduled eight hours every shift.
• I began needing less and less sleep and was only getting maybe three hours at most. 
• There was several times where I didn’t sleep for three and four days.
• There were a few instances where I would stay up all night because I was having racing thoughts about everything going on at work, home, and anything else I could throw into the mix. 
• The racing thoughts just wouldn’t stop.
• I sometimes had accelerated speech and there was other times when my speech was labored.
• I was very hypersexual and looked at porn all the time and wanted to have sex really bad even though it didn’t happen. 
• I felt on top of the world and liked the high feeling I had when it was present.
• I was constantly angry towards the end of October because my boss wasn’t helping me more at work (like she said she would) so I started trying to get out of work and called off a bunch of times. 
• I wanted to scream at her and felt very superior to her…she was an idiot.
• In December I was tired of it all and decided that I was going to take a required work day off and still mark myself in the system as there. 
• The next day I was met at the door and terminated for time theft.

December

• Job Ended, Finlay Fine Jewelry (Kaufmann's/Macy's), Terminated/Time Theft, Pittsburg, PA 

December 2006 – October 2007

• Didn’t have any energy.
• I started using marijuana again but smoked very little during this time and only used if someone else offered it to me.
• I felt like my life was over.
• I had no hope for my future.
• My speech was labored a lot.
• I had a lot of anxiety and it was aggravated by noise, television, animals, other people.
• I lost interest in things I enjoyed like photography, biking, and driving.
• All I wanted to do was sleep and be alone.
• I cut all ties with friends and isolated myself.
• I didn’t have much of an appetite.
• I feared my own death and thought about it a lot. 
• Sometimes I would have racing thoughts about dying.
• I was scared to ride in the car because of getting in an accident and dying.

2005 Year Review Age 33

 

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2005

January

• Job Transfer, Big Lots , Lateral Move per District Supervisor  (50 miles farther North, Wooster, Ohio.
• Job Ended, Big Lots , Quit/No Notice/Stress, Wooster, Ohio.

February – August

• Didn’t have any energy.
• I felt like my life was over.
• I had no hope for my future.
• My speech was labored at times.
• I quit smoking marijuana until December 2006 .
• I had a lot of anxiety and it was aggravated by noise, television, animals, other people.
• I lost interest in things I enjoyed like photography, biking, and driving.
• All I wanted to do was sleep and be alone.
• I cut all ties with friends and isolated myself.
• I didn’t have much of an appetite.
• I feared my own death and thought about it a lot. 
• Sometimes I would have racing thoughts about dying.
• I was scared to ride in the car because of getting in an accident and dying.

April

• Went to Planned Parenthood and got an HIV test and tested negative. 

September

• Started New Job,Kaufmanns, Seasonal Trim-A-Home, Columbus, Ohio.

2004 Year Review Age 32

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2004

July

• Had a meltdown at work and gave up work responsibilities to take off some of the pressures of the job per my Manager. 
• I was always working different shifts, covering call offs, always on my feet. 
• Every day was always different and you never knew what to expect. 
• My Store Manager along with my co-ASM advised me to get help and told me that my future depended upon it. 
• I thought I could handle it myself and did alright for a while but ended up crashing and burning. 
• I went in to work before the start of my shift in late January 2005 and said I was done and walked away.

2003 Year Review Age 31

 

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2003

January

• Job Ended, Kay Bee Toys, Terminated/Harmful Conduct.

February - March

• Saw my previous psychiatrist and started back on Effexor because I had a crash and burn in January that cost me my job @ K*B Toys and I was very depressed again like I was before I ever started taking Effexor.

March

• Started New Job, Sheetz, Shift Manager

March

• Job Ended, Sheetz, Quit/No Notice

June

• Started New Job, Big Lots, ASM Merchandising,Coulimbus, Ohio

July-October

• Stopped Taking Effexor because I had a new job and was feeling very good again.
• I felt like I was on top of the world.

July 2003 – January 2005 

• Overall mood felt great.  I was on a high for over a year and I didn’t want it to end.  I always felt like the life of the party.
• Didn’t sleep for days on end and when I did it was usually only for three to four hours at most. 
• I was always hypersexual looking at porn and thinking about sex.  I thought about sex all the time night and day.
• Occasionally would drink beer maybe once a week, sometimes I wouldn’t have any….it did not mix well with marijuana. 
• Started using marijuana again most everyday consuming anywhere from three to four bowls up to two to three joints. 
• It was something I did when I wasn’t at work and had heavier consumption on days off. 
• I only l liked smoking to the point where my brain felt stable and it helped me to not binge and purge.
• I was easily agitated and angered by the littlest of things and could blow at the drop of a hat.
• I didn’t drink a lot but was spending around $35-40 a week on pot.
• I became friends with a bunch of new people when I started working at Big Lots and we would get together just about every night and hang out for hour’s sometimes smoking marijuana.
• There were several times where I went to work the next day in the same clothes I had left in the day before because I had never went home. 
• I had always been made fun of and didn’t have many friends and for the first time I had like three good friends.
• In December – January 2005 I was very depressed and slept anytime I wasn’t working.  I was sleeping anywhere from 12 to fifteen hours a day. 
• Darkness was my friend.
• In early January 2005 I was very hypersexual and met a guy I had spent all night looking around on the internet for.

August

• Job Transfer, Big Lots , ASM Merchandising to ASM Operations, Columbus, Ohio